Little Miss Mary and the Big Monster Makeover

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Little Miss Mary was tired of shopping -
All day on her feet she'd been merrily hopping
From boutique to salon, from one to the other,
While asking for THIS and for THAT from her Mother...

"I want to have this and I want to have that!
These shoes that I bought will look nice with that hat.
My open-toed sandals are just, SOOO passé!
If I wear them to school, what WILL the girls say?

I need: a new skirt, and a dress, and a jacket,
For tennis, new trainers to match my new racket,
New t-shirt. New blouse. A new Fendi bag -
The one on display, with a WHOPPING price tag!"


Little Miss Mary's Mommy was proud -
She too always spent to the limit allowed
On the gold credit card, which her husband had given -
She KNEW her excesses would soon be forgiven.

Little Miss Mary was a chip off the block.
If she could shop, she would shop and right round the clock!
Three-sixty a year and twenty-four-seven,
Impressive for someone who just turned eleven...

But hardly a coup, when ALL posh Mommies coo
Into Porsche baby prams: "Gucci-goo, Gucci-goo."
No wonder that Mary's first words to her nanny
Were: "Pla-da, Ga-ba-na, Lac-wa" and "A-ma-ni!"

"Moschino? Versace? Where shall we go next?"
"That's enough for today, you maxed-out the AmEx.
Any more shopping must wait till tomorrow,
There's plenty more money that Daddy can borrow."


On hearing the news Mary drew a deep sigh:
"But there's SOOO much more that I wanted to buy.
Sooo many shoes that I kept a keen eye on,
Sooo many dresses I wanted to try on."

But Mommy had already summoned assistants,
Who replied to her call in no more than an instance.
In a blink of an eye they were all in position,
Eager to please (as they worked for commission).

They loaded their bags in the big four-by-four.
They filled up the boot and they covered the floor,
Till there was no space left, no place left to pack,
So they piled even more bags above the ski-rack.


And off home they drove - Mother and Daughter
Hydrating themselves with Evian water;
Mom at the wheel of her new Chelsea Tractor,
Miss Mary behind her, poised to distract her...

With pertinent problems like: "How can one tell
Between bags that are bootleg and REAL Chanel?"
Or questions like: "Mom why don't WE have a butler?"
And other BIG issues from Vogue and from Tatler.